There’s four levels of game, and the more you’ve got, the more you’ll get, if you catch my drift.
What are they?
The first level is when you’re out in the club, looking around. The act of approaching is a victory in and of itself. Eharmony.com review When you do approach, you’re nervous, and don’t know what to expect.
A lot of guys get stuck in this level.
The next level is when you’ve been practicing the three second rule for some time, and you approach automatically, whenever you get any kind of IOI. You have become an approach machine, and you get numbers like nobody’s business.
At this level, you are the envy of most of your friends, EliteSingles.com and recognized as a local “guru.” Most gurus who teach this stuff are at this level.
The next level is where few dare to tread. This is where you’ve given up practicing “game” altogether. You don’t go to clubs, you don’t prowl bookstores or coffee shops. You simply live your life.
You’ve had enough success to know that women are everywhere. All you’ve got to do is move through life, and you know you’ll find plenty of girls to game. Although you won’t consider it “game” any more. For you, it’s just natural.
Level Four is where it begins to get metaphysical. If you think too much about it, you might revert back to level three.
Level three is where you’re still approaching girls, but you don’t consciously go anywhere to specifically find girls. lovingfeel Even if you haven’t been on a date or laid in a few weeks, you don’t worry about generating any action. You know deep in your gut it will happen soon enough.
Level Four is where you truly “expect” girls to just somehow “show up” in your life.
This is the magical boundary between you going out into the world (filled with women) and the world (filled with women) coming to you.
Whether this is really based on the laws of metaphysics (if they are even laws of metaphysics) or whether or not you’ve got game at such a deep and subconscious level you make it happen without even noticing it, I really don’t know.
What I do know is that by practicing inner game as much as some guys practice outer game, you’ll understand just how magical this can truly be.
Instead of working on your inner game like most guys do, based on their outer experiences, when you work on your inner game with right thinking, right interpretation, and right visualization and imagination, you will quickly become an unstoppable force of irresistible seduction and influence.
Picking the person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with is an extremely important decision that can have lasting consequences – good or bad. In order to create a beautiful union, EliteSingles.com review it’s a good idea to approach the decision spiritually, using your heart and your mind. The following are some tips that may be helpful in doing so:
1. Love Yourself
Okay, okay, I know people say this all the time, but what does it really mean? In the context of dating, it means knowing that you are worthy of having a loving, respectful and healthy relationship that meets your needs. When you love yourself, you are kind, caring and honest with yourself and you easily extend that energy to others. In essence , you need to be the person that you would like to date, and that is what you will attract. When you love yourself, you do not accept partners that are overly negative and critical, disrespectful or abusive.
2. Heal Hurts
We humans are sensitive creatures, and accumulate lots of emotional scars and scrapes as we journey through life. When we internalize VictoriaHearts.com the hurtful things that happen to us, it makes us doubt our worth. Know that you are more than what happens to you. You may not control what happens to you, but you do control your reaction to it. And you can choose to love yourself regardless. When we are in close romantic relationships, they act as mirrors to our whole selves. If there is something unhealed within you it will rear its ugly head, causing you to act out or withdraw when your buttons are (usually inadvertently) pushed. The healthy thing to do is heal before you bring that destructive energy into your relationship. If you feel stuck, don’t be afraid to work with a life coach or get some therapy; it will be well worth it in the long run.
3. Know Yourself
Who are you? What patterns have you acted out in your past relationships? What ideas have you picked up from your parents’ relationship? Are there ways that you say one thing and do another? What type of lifestyle do you want? What are some things that make your heart sing? Eharmoney What motivates you? If you have a hard time answering these questions, again getting some life coaching or therapy could be very helpful.
4. Be Independent and Passionate
A healthy relationship consists of a balance of dependence and independence between the partners. Only by knowing that you are able to depend on yourself can you depend on another person with integrity. And while you are taking care of yourself, follow your passions. When you do things that make you feel happy to be alive, you open yourself up to setting up a flow that lets your authentic self shine through. As you expand your horizons by doing things that you love, you might just meet that special someone while doing so, and already have something life-affirming in common.
5. Make a List of Must Haves
Now that you know who you are, and are living as your authentic loving self, choose what you want! Make a list of attributes that your mate must have. When drafting your list, start by focusing on the spiritual, and by that I mean what a person values, what they believe in, what type of ideas they have about themselves and the relationship that they have with a higher power. Then focus on lifestyle. What do you envision doing with your partner? How do you interact with this special someone? You might want to think about where you want to live (if you are a city girl dating a country boy who wants to live on the farm, you’re going to run into problems) or whether you want kids (if you want kids, don’t date potential mates that don’t). If your partner must share a particular activity with you, put that on your list as well. If you want a partner that is affectionate, add that. Be specific. And yes, be picky, but be picky about those things that matter, that have substance, not things that are superficial. You set yourself up for failure if you focus on material things like the person needing to be a particular height, earn a specific amount of money, drive a luxury car, have green eyes, have an exact body type, etc. And of course, sexual attraction is important, but that’s more a spiritual element than a material one.
Once you have your list, put it in writing on a nice piece of paper or card stock. Or make a word processing document out of it; basically, make it nice. This list is a representation of your life partner, after all. Then, pray or meditate over it. Recite it out loud. Do whatever connects you to Source while reflecting on your list. Affirming your list in these ways works on different levels. Thoughts are energy and we are all connected energetically. By sending this energy out into the universe you will attract what you want; you are essentially sending out a homing beacon to your mate. If you say, come on Nadiyah, I don’t believe in that hocus pocus, then it can work for you simply because it primes your mind to recognize what you are looking for. It’s just like that phenomenon that happens when you purchase a new car. Afterwards, when you’re out driving on the road, you see the make, model and color of your car everywhere you go. The same thing will happen when you focus on your list. Once you have created this profile of your love, you are ready to date and recognize them. As you start going out on dates, review your list before you go – not to set you up to interrogate or interview your dates – but just to keep what you’re looking for in mind. You can pay attention to what your dates do and say, keeping a mental checklist internally. Remember to relax and have fun while going through the process.
6. Wait to Have Sex
Sex can mimic love, but sex is not love unless both parties intend it to be. If you have sex too quickly, it can cloud your judgment and trick you into believing that someone who is not for you is. I’m not saying that there is a one-size-fits-all time frame to wait, such as 90 days, as some famously suggest, but you should pick one that gives you enough time to get to know the person in different settings. Give it enough time so that you can figure out what this person values before sleeping with them. Even better, try falling in love and entering into a commitment before having sex; you will know that you have a real connection, a spiritual one, and body can then naturally follow spirit.
7. Do Not Settle
There is a difference between compromising and settling. Since you have already made your list, you are focused on those things that you must have in a mate. Choosing a partner who does not meet all of your must haves is settling. The heart wants what it wants and will continue to want those things, and you will set yourself up for problems later. You can compromise on things that aren’t must haves.
8. Don’t Make Assumptions/Engage in Open and Honest Communication
There are a lot of ways to communicate in a relationship, some that will kill it (guilt tripping, passive aggression, the silent treatment and/or using unkind or hateful words) and others that will nurture it: open and honest communication. Misunderstandings and miscommunication are the main causes of most conflicts in relationships. Don’t assume what a person is thinking and don’t have unrealistic expectations based on what you think they should be thinking. A lot of times we engage in generalizations about groups of people, i.e., all men think this, all women want that, and try to maneuver and act upon these generalizations as we date. However, your potential partner is not a generalization, they are an individual, and the only way you will know what they are thinking is to ask. The only way that someone will know what you are thinking is if you tell them. The only way a person can know what your expectations are is if you communicate them.
9. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Sometimes we date people and ignore the warning signs that something is just not right. We sense that something is wrong, but dismiss our concerns. If you are having indications that things may not be quite right, you might want to ask yourself: Is there something about this person that makes me feel uncomfortable? Does this person’s words match their actions? If your gut tells you that something is wrong, listen to it. If things don’t add up, pay attention. The goal is to be comfortable around your mate. Things should feel right and make sense.
10. Do Not Try to Change your Potential Mate
People only change when they want to change. You set yourself up for heartache and conflict when you try to change someone. I know a lot of women date for potential and then end up putting unnecessary pressure on the man to be something that she wants, that he might not necessarily want for himself. You can encourage someone to be a better person or go in a certain direction, but only if they want that for themselves. If you are dating someone and cannot accept them as they are today, do both of you a favor and keep it moving.
Your life-long relationship should be a source of joy, a place you go to recharge and renew. It should be a place that brings out the best in you and your partner. Ultimately, you have to believe that you can get what you want. For this process to work, you must believe that someone is out there who meets every requirement that you have. So when you meet this person, you are already miles ahead in creating a lasting relationship and valuing what you have, because you have who and what you want. When you pick well on the front end, it helps you on the back end.
You won’t have to work as hard to come to a meeting of the minds, because you are already very compatible. When you do have differences, the work of the relationship becomes maintaining your bond by using open and honest communication to reach a compromise. When you pick well, you can work together and strengthen each other against the inevitable valleys of life, rather than working against one another to get past unhealed hurts, insecurities or basic incompatibility. When you use your heart and mind to choose a partner on a spiritual basis – shared values, a shared vision about your bond, shared ideas about the Creator and how your relationship fits into what the Creator would have for you – miraculous things can happen in your life. You will become a better person. You can have a beautiful, powerful relationship that exceeds your wildest dreams.
Every girl’s got a set of hot buttons. Hit them right, and in the right order, and you’ll create so much passionate desire you’ll wonder VictoriaHearts.com review why you didn’t discover this earlier.
What’s even better, is most girls are literally DESPERATE for a guy like you to come along and hit her buttons, again and again and again.
Sadly, few guys do. They stumble and mumble around, missing signal after signal.
What’s the problem?
Most guys are locked inside their heads, behind false fears, anxieties and impressions. This is very common, and very natural.
She’s sitting there giving you all the signals in the world, but you’re projecting yourself five or ten minutes into the future, MeetMe.com vacillating between wonderful results or horrible rejection.
Naturally, this is keeping you from seeing, and acting on, what’s right in front of you.
These thoughts are your arch enemy when it comes to seduction.
If you could only get rid of those, you’d see clearly, as soon as you walked into a room, which girls were ready.
And after a few minutes of relaxed conversation, being able to elicit her values and desires, you’d know exactly what needed to be done.
How can you get there?
It’s not a matter of what to do, it’s a matter of what NOT to do.
It’s not a matter of learning something, Elitesingles it’s more a matter of UNLEARNING something.
Namely, those insane voices causing all kinds of fear, anxiety and nervousness. You may or may not “hear them,” but they’re there.
Sure, their intention is to keep you safe, keep you out of harm’s way.
But unless you’re picking up girls at the zoo during a coordinated jail-break of all the vicious carnivores, there’s really nothing to worry about.
Which means that once you ditch those fears and anxieties, relax and have some fun, you’ll be kicking yourself.
Because it really can be a lot easier than most guys will ever realize.
After all, meeting members of the opposite sex for fun, relationships and sexual connections is pretty much what us humans are all about.
After you rid of those anxieties, you’ll realize this, and unleash what’s REALLY possible.
Just like anything else, the more you practice, the easier it gets. Simply practice being in the moment when you are talking to people. Practice being outside of your head, and paying full attention to their body language and facial expressions.
Pretty soon you’ll notice that more girls are into you than you would ever know otherwise.
When you get right down to it, us humans are motivated by two things, and two things only.
Pleasure, and pain.
Never is this more true when you’re trying to achieve one of the prime directives of human life, as it’s programmed deep into our DNA:
Make More Humans!
Naturally, the unconscious drive to make more humans, MeetMe.com review as it’s expressed in males, is to meet cute girls for potential emotionally and sexually satisfying relationships.
It would seem to be easy, since once upon a time there were only a handful of humans around, and how there’s nearly seven billion.
However, when you’re thinking about walking over there and talking to that cute girl who’s been giving you clear IOI’s for the past few minutes, RussianBrides.com nothing can seem more difficult.
Why is this?
When you see her, all those wonderful fantasies of pleasure race through your brain, causing you to really, really want to talk to her.
But at the same time, you imagine all the things that could go wrong.
When you’ve got these two thought patterns Victoriahearts fighting for the front seat in your brain, the natural outcome is anxiety and indecision.
So, how can you become a natural, and learn to walk over and talk to her, seduce her, and get what you want without a second thought?
One is to FORCE your brain to think in terms of pleasure, rather than pain. FORCE yourself to think of all the possible good things that can happen.
Creating the ideal relationship with a girl that’s just how you like her, emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever is important to you.
After all, that’s pretty much one of the THE most important thing in a guy’s life, finding a good woman to accompany and support you on your journey to ultimate victory.
The second thing to realize is that EVERY SINGLE GIRL you talk to, get together with, go on dates with, and yes, even sleep with UNTIL you find THE ONE, is only practice.
Think of the whole world, filled with women, as the raw material for your life. Your job, as a man, is to sort through as many as you can, until you find your co-star of life.
So unless you’ve already decided that she’s “the one,” she’s only practice.
Naturally, the more often you get out there and practice, the sooner you’ll find her. To make it easier, consider programming your mind, using a combination of hypnosis and other mind programming tools, so that you have the sorting mindset of a true alpha.
Everyone has that goal of having a long, loving relationship with their significant other. Of course you’d want the stability and affection of a long term partner, why wouldn’t you? Sometimes that can be hard to achieve, however, especially when your relationship RussianBrides.com review is on the rocks. That can get your head spinning and have you wondering whether or not it’s even worth it to try. Well, in many cases, it is. And in many cases, it isn’t. It’s up to you to decide. The following will help you evaluate whether or not your troubled relationship is worth saving.
First of all, sit down and look at how you feel every day. Do you wake up and feel like you are safe with your partner? Do you feel like you can spend every day with him and be comfortable and happy? Or are you constantly wondering what he’s up to when he’s not with you? Trust is a huge factor in any relationship, and if yours is already feeling a little rocky, it’s the first thing you have to evaluate. Do you genuinely believe that you can trust your boyfriend or husband? Is it worth the effort if you will never feel safe with him? These are the kinds of things you have to think Dating.com about when you are deciding whether or not to try to save your relationship.
Next, consider how the relationship benefits you. Even if you are in love, a relationship can still be destructive to you as a person. You still might feel like less than you’re worth. Sometimes, a relationship with a man who is less than responsive can really make you feel like less of a person. You really need to address what exactly about this relationship benefits you. Are you being supported financially? Emotionally? Psychologically? Sexually? All of these things come into play in a long term relationship and you need to be sure that you’re getting what you need out of it.
Lastly, consider your future. Do you plan on being with this man for the rest of your life? If your relationship is already Meetme troubled and you can’t see yourself staying with him forever anyway, it might be easier to just cut your losses and walk away. Guys are a dime a dozen, and if you’re not completely happy, it’s probably best for you to leave. However, if you think you could stay with him for the rest of your life, it might be worth it to try.
Everyone knows that a healthy sex life is vital to a healthy relationship, but in long-term partnerships, that river can run dry eventually. Sometimes sexual relationships will grow stale the longer you are in them, and it can seem like there is nothing you can do to rectify the problem. What do you do when it feels like you haven’t had sex in months? What can you do when you actually haven’t had sex in months? There are several steps you can take to revitalize your sex life and keep your relationship Datinggroup running like a well-oiled machine. The first thing you have to do is realize that you have to do something about it!
Try to revive the original passion that you and your husband had when you first met. Did you do certain activities that sparked your desire for sex? Would a reliving a romantic date help? Look back at your relationship. Think of a particular time you and your husband had amazing sex, whether it was at the start of your dating relationship, after your engagement, or even while you were married. Just pick a time where you two had mind-blowing sex, and then figure out how to relive it. Remind him (and yourself!) of that incredible, passionate experience and set up the cards to relive it. Did you have dinner at a particular restaurant? Were you on vacation ArabianDate.com in a different city? Was it after watching a particularly sensual movie together? Try to set up a similar situation so that you can not only revive the passion of that moment, but reminisce in the memories of your earlier relationship.
Another thing you can try to keep things spicy is to prepare the bedroom. Bring in candles, romantic music, buy some sexy lingerie or even cover the bed with rose petals. It may seem like these are things that are more targeted to seducing a women, but even as a masculine person, he will appreciate the effort you went to to get his attention.
Lastly, be the aggressor. If you’re lying around hoping for him to come on to you and make the first move, you’re just waiting to be disappointed. While he may have been the instigator in the past, RussianBrides it’s time to show him you’re still interested. Step up and actively seduce him like you want him to seduce you. Often times, all you need is a little kick start.
What a journey! And I don’t mean the one Ben and I are in right now! No. I mean something larger. As in a life history line. I would never have thought that the personal achievements and goals which to me were once unachievable, far fetched and non realistic then, would I be living right now. Nor would I even have imagined the term sugar baby associated with my life. We both decided to take a break from our comfort zone of skyscraper restaurants, West End evenings and Sketch London nights and gave way to the surrounding fairy tale like landscape with its frozen scenery we are cutting right through in bullet speed now. I have no idea why I now, all of a sudden started scribbling this thoughts down but I suppose as we have a few hours till we get to Geneva and Ben completely dozed off next to me, that will just do the killing time trick. Oh right! I am Jannet, anastasiadate for those of you who might see me in a more positive light if I give you my real name. But the more common reality is… I am very rarely seen in a positive light. A night shift aviation worker might be a bit luckier than me on that one, I’ll tell you that! But sassiness aside, I am someone you most certainly have already met or at least encounter daily: the girl you saw giving a seat away to an elderly while you were commuting, that other one who squatted a little bit to get you your fallen coins at Starbucks or that other one who selflessly went out of her way to spend some time explaining to you where the street you were looking for was? I am the average somebody, who like everybody else, enjoys being appreciated for who they are but in my case I am mostly judged for what I do: I am a sugarbabe…
I am the eldest of three siblings raised in Coventry who were brought up by caring parents – that is, none of which was a sugar daddy or sugar baby despite the fact dad has religiously deposited monthly monies into mum’s bank account to date. My father was the type of man who would do everything so his wife and kids had all that would be considered common possessions in the average UK family. We all went into education and led pretty normal lives and we were given great example of principles and moral aspects of a christian life. I was always at ease speaking and being a communicative girl and reached top marks in humanities. Different from exact sciences where I struggle with a little bit more at Uni right now. I would say that I could always maintain an equal proportion of energy invested in both my personal and career development and my relationships. But it was very early on in life when I learned from experience that what I held as most treasured, would eventually become the most significant trigger to a titanic change in my life. His name was Phillip… My first love. And as an eighteen year old girl that meant the world to me and possibly the underpinning force to all that was second to me. Needless to say, Phillip broke my heart, which in itself is no reason for persecution; after all, people get their hearts broken at some point chinalovereview in their lives with no one being particularly at fault. But Phillip… Phillip had managed to keep both me and his other girlfriend in secret from one another for a good two years. Foolishness of the youth? One could say that but unfortunately that had been the ongoing pattern in my emotional life for a long while: the cheater, the dishonest, selfish sometimes the player type. To none of those had I been a sugar baby… I was getting used to it as years piled up! Until one rainy night. It was pouring down as I wiped the smeared mascara off my face. Not from the pouring rain but from uncontrollable tears shed that night the biological father of my child left me when learning of my then pregnancy. It was misery as I had never encountered before and at that moment all I could see as my life was my unborn baby and that bus stop protecting me from the rain. A car drove past and slowly stopped by. It was black with black tinted windows and there was a horse of sorts as an emblem on top of its front hood (I was later to find out it was no horse but a Jaguar). The window rolled down automatically.
He introduced himself as Ben and asked:
– I could not help but notice the terrible state you are in right now. Please don’t blame me if I am moved to ask if you would like to come in.
I immediately refused his offer adding I was not up to what he thought I was on that bus stop. But somehow, his smile and way which he invited me had already stated his intentions were not the ones I first made out to be. A good thirty minutes later we were sitting at a table having dinner, while I poured my life story away and how I had no plan B for being a single mother still having to finish my studies. As the night went by we decided to meet in the forthcoming weeks; time during which I gave in to his ever so charming way to make me feel safe and cared for. I had never felt so deservingly taken in and accepted… as though I for the first time felt I belonged. Mark gave me what no other young, volatile and immature boy had never given me. He treated me as a woman. In the months ahead the deep feelings I first felt for him started fading away and I believe the first impact of being rescued by my hero had gone and what remained were gentle and tender feelings toward each other. None of those emotional changes played any part in the way he would help me put my life together and to date he is there for me. My daughter Sahra is healthy and cared for and I have a prospective career. I have since then taken notice of websites such as Mysugardaddy.com and have met other men in circumstances similar to what I just described. They are all there for me as much as I am there for them. There is a learning curve from all this first inadvertent introduction to the sugar baby style of life
I very often wonder if people, out of human nature, sometimes simply oppose to the achievements of others because in comparison to themselves they covet the level of effort through which those achievement come about. People should look at each other from the “who they are” and not “what they do” perspective. I remember reading an extract from a book on law a friend had forgotten in my apartment some time ago. And out of curiosity, while flicking through the pages I randomly spotted the word “neighbor”. By coincidence at the time there was a huge issue going on between a neighbor, myself and a palm tree I got as present (yeah, I know don’t even get me started on that one) so I then stopped to read it. The way it talked about “neighbor” in the context the book was about (which by the way had nothing whatsoever to do with my then ongoing neighbor so I was a bit deflated by that) was so beautifully touching in how rationally logical it was that it got stuck in my mind to date. In short, it defined the people affected by the things you do or or, equally important, the things you don’t do. And I have thought about this question for a long time now with no success in answering it: who am I affecting so negatively with what I do?
Saving your marriage with two willing people can feel daunting and overwhelming at times. But saving your marriage when one spouse is not participating and has said very hurtful things can feel downright impossible. A wife might be dealing with a marriage in which both parties have said hurtful things that have caused resentments, amolatina.reviews hurt feelings, and a sense of hopelessness. In this type of situation, it can be hard to determine where to even start.
A wife might say, “I admit that while my husband and I have been struggling while going through a separation, I’ve said some pretty mean things to him. I am frustrated with feeling as if I don’t matter to him. I feel like I’ve just been dismissed while he gets the luxury of sorting himself out and deciding what he wants. So yes, in my frustration, I have called him selfish. But before we even separated, he was saying really hurtful things to me. For example, he said that I sold him a bill of goods when we were dating. He said that he was dating a laid back, funny girl who was thin and healthy. But then after he married me he got an uptight, overly-serious person who was overweight. He acts as if I purposely tricked him and then switched my personality for spite. He doesn’t realize that people naturally mature and change over time. He even called me ‘portly’ once. And he said that he thinks that I take joy in making him unhappy. These are low blows. But we have kids to think about. So I’ve asked him if he thinks that it will be possible to save our marriage. His answer was that he doesn’t know, but that he thinks that we are better off just going with the flow right now. He’s pretty distant and cold. In spite of this, I would like to save my marriage for the sake of my children. But when I mention this to my sister or to my friends, they both ask why I’d want to maintain a marriage to someone who has said hurtful things to me. I do see their point. Are hurtful words an indication that you can’t or shouldn’t save your marriage?”
I’m not a counselor, but in my nonprofessional opinion, that depends. If your spouse makes a habit of saying hurtful things to you regardless of whether he is angry or you are fighting, then this is problematic because it shows a pattern of cruelty or a lack of empathy. If he is saying mean things just to hurt you without any regard for your feelings and the relationship is constantly toxic, then I’d want to see some changes before I make any long term commitment.
With that said, it’s extremely common for both people to say some pretty awful things in the middle of a fight or during a separation. Emotions can be incredibly high. Both spouses can say things that they deeply regret and are incredibly embarrassed and remorseful about later. I know that this was the case during my own separation. We both said anastasiadate-review really regretful things to one another. I wish I could take them back, but I can’t. Your husband may feel this way also. It really does come down to a question of whether the hurtful things were said in the heat of the moment or whether it is your husband’s typical habit to be hurtful or verbally abusive. There is a difference between a couple who has a regrettable fight and trades hurtful insults and a marriage where one spouse is constantly belittling the other for sport. If you can’t decide which category your marriage falls into, I’d suggest asking a counselor or neutral third party. Sometimes, we get so close to our situation that we can’t see it objectively anymore.
If you decide that your husband’s words were due to the situation instead of intentionally meant to hurt you, then I can tell you that it’s possible to move beyond hurtful interactions. My husband and I were truly brutal one another at times during our separation. And I was just as guilty as he was. I was so hurt that he was moving out that I was deliberately cruel because I was just trying to get a reaction out of him. Ultimately though, I made a decision to let go of any anger I had about these conversations because I wanted to move on. I decided to use the conversations to draw a line in the sand to define the type of marriage that I no longer wanted. Sure, no one can get through life without ever saying something in anger to their spouse, but with effort and in time, you can improve your marriage so that more words are said in happiness than in anger.
When your marriage is back on track and you are feeling loving and protective of your spouse again, those types of hurtful conversations usually don’t surface very often. If the conversations are bothering you, then you can certainly ask for clarification when things calm down and when you are back on solid ground. It would be fair to ask if he really has an issue with your weight or demeanor, but I’d suspect that if you have this conversation when things are better (or you’ve reconciled) he will say that he only said those things because he was angry at the time.
But to answer the original question, you save your marriage in this scenario by asking yourself what your husband’s intentions were. Once you’re satisfied that these hurtful remarks aren’t a habit, then you work on yourself first and then on your marriage as things calm down and you are able to do so. I know that things seem immediate and explosive now, but as time moves on, things tend to calm down so that you can communicate in more productive ways and without hurting one another.
Would you like to incorporate more warmth into your marriage? Here is a “divorce-proofing” exercise for you to try. I say divorce-proof because if you do this every day, chances are you will not be prone charmdatefraud to accumulating contempt and resentment. A “Hug from the Heart,” is a great new habit to start.
The secrets of long-lasting, happy marriages include simple things that increase warmth in a relationship. And who does not want a more loving, connected relationship?
TRY THIS: AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE IN THE DAY, SPEND ONE MINUTE HUGGING YOUR PARTNER.
My friend Kristine James has been doing this for many years and highly recommends it. This is your opportunity to stop the world for just a minute while you embrace, taking in the feel of your partner. What a great way to start the day. One minute can seem long and if it is awkward, aim for 30 seconds at first.
You can hug horizontally in bed upon waking, but try to develop a habit of hugging after you’ve gotten ready for the day, before going your separate ways. After you’ve showered and gotten ready for the day, your paths might cross in the hall. What a perfect time for a smile and a hug. This is a hug from the heart.
Another option is to hug six times a day for six seconds. Sounds scientific. Should you time yourself? Authors Patricia Love and Steven Stosny say that if the first emotion of the day is a positive one, the next emotion is likely to be positive. They say that the less you touch, the more resentful and detached you can become. Frequent hugs keep serotonin levels high enough to ensure a calm feeling.
If you start every day with a hug and make it a habit, you will add warmth to your marriage and improve your physical, emotional and mental health. By making hugs a ritual, you will be less likely to carry resentment and anger into the next day. How can you be upset with your partner if you know you will be hugging each other for a minute each day? africandatescam If you adopt this habit and find that you neglect or miss several days in a row, you will notice that things are not “right.” As soon as you notice a little distance, talk about it.
Consider a hug (or 6!) a day an insurance policy. You will insure against the possibility of drifting apart.
“Reciprocity is essential for the survival of a relationship.” -Willard F. Harley Jr.
Doing something together physically can rejuvenate you and your relationship. Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. believes that we all have important emotional needs and names “recreational companionship” africandatereview as one of the ten most important needs, especially for men.
SET ASIDE ANYWHERE FROM 30 MINUTES TO FOUR HOURS FOR A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY, PREFERABLY SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TOGETHER THAT INVOLVES PHYSICAL EXERTION, WITHOUT YOUNG CHILDREN OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS.
It can be mild or rigorous and should be something you participate in as opposed to being a spectator. It’s acceptable to be a part of a group or to do something with another couple, but should not include family members because this is time for just the two of you, apart from your role as mother and father.
Before selecting an activity, be sure to identify mutual interests. I want an enthusiastic agreement, not a begrudging attitude on the part of one partner. If one partner prefers an activity, you can reciprocate next week. Mainly, the two of you should be interested in the chosen recreational activity.
If you have physical limitations, you could play a board game, engage in a craft, prepare a meal or do something else from a seated position. Depending on your limitations, you could stroll through a museum or art gallery or attend a professional sporting event, even though you would be spectators.
Here are some activities to consider: walk, jog, hike, work-out, do anything that will break a sweat. You might like gardening or doing yard work, although try to avoid chores and be sure to focus on fun and pleasurable activities. Volunteer in your community. How about trying disc golf, africandatefraud mini-golfing, hitting a bucket of golf balls on a driving range, bowling or laser tag? Go out dancing or take a fitness class together.
If you have children, think of things they do for fun. I don’t think you want to get on a pogo stick, scooter or skateboard, but how about trying yard games including croquet, bocci ball or a ring toss game? Darts, archery, tennis, ping pong? For more adventure, try rock climbing, kayaking, canoeing, boating, or take a white water rafting adventure. You may have to plan ahead of time to make arrangements, depending on what you have in mind.
Be a tourist in your own town or consider something local, free, convenient and low cost. If you like riding bicycles, find a place that rents bicycles and take a bike ride. Take a walk in a local park and have a picnic lunch. Build a snowman. Fly a kite.
Whatever you decide, find a fun way to pass the time. Don’t we all need more fun in our lives?
Recreational activities offer a high return on your investment. The time you spend together results in increased friendship and emotional connection. You might also feel a sense of teamwork, depending on what you do. Recreational companionship is so important that I am including this exercise a total of three times, or once a week during this program. If you find you need to swap a few of the daily exercises around in order to accommodate a particular day, feel free to do so. Many of the other activities can be done in less than twenty minutes, but for a recreational outing, you will probably need more time. I hope that you will take many occasions in your married life to incorporate recreational activities if you are not already doing so.